We are not all domestic goddesses

By the time a man marries, one would presume he knows his wife fairly well.
If they are not already co- habiting, one would think in most cases, the besotted has visited his beloved at home; in her apartment, house, shared house, family home or whatever she may live. You have fallen in love with her, for better or for worse. Maybe she shares your love of a football team, reads Sartre and De Beauvoir or knows that the SPD will only win an election in Germany when they find another Willy Brandt. Whatever the reason, you love her company.

So, by the time a man marries he will know if he is getting a domestic goddess or not. If she is not a domestic goddess by your wedding day, DON’T EXPECT THIS TO CHANGE.

If suddenly she becomes like Nigella Lawson or Martha Stewart, then you are indeed both rare and lucky. Don’t bother buying a lotto ticket, because your numbers have already come up.

So, if you marry, in the knowledge that your wife, when she was your girlfriend or fiancé, lived in a house that was a little untidy, or worse, with unwashed dishes strewn about the place, unwashed laundry, unvacuumed floors, a shower that you dare not dip your toe in, then I repeat the line above; DO NOT EXPECT THIS TO CHANGE.

Now you are legally wed and maybe you have a nice home together. The sudden expectation that she will mop floors, pick up flecks of dust, fold napkins and tea towels neatly in the draw, handle a toilet duck with adept skills, have the kitchen looking more sparkling than a spray and wipe ad, and iron your shirts without wrinkles or watermarks will bring you nothing but disappointment. If you think she can learn the above tricks, let me tell you something else; you are either born a cleaner or your not.
Its time to focus on her other attributes; can she cook? (No, cooks and cleaners do not necessarily go hand in hand. Some women are wonderful cooks who clean up perfectly afterwards. Other women are wonderful cooks, can dish up a delectable feast but the kitchen will look like a bomb has hit. (Hint- Appreciate the delectable feast)
Many men are married to accomplished women who are brilliant at their professions; you may be fortunate enough to have married a brain surgeon, teacher, writer, lawyer, computer programmer, politician, human rights activist….the list has endless possibilities (Hint- don’t complain if they can’t clean, they will no doubt contribute to your well being in old age).
Some men know their wives go to any length to be immaculately groomed day and night. (Hint- don’t complain about the cost when the credit card bill comes in, you know how much you enjoyed the envy of other men last time you went out) and others have a skilled lover/ tigress in the bedroom (Hint- don’t complain full stop!)

But if domestic woes are casting a shadow over your life; the mess and clutter is making your life unbearable, or her moods are making you miserable, as she tries without much skill to put some domestic order into the place and you feel you might be heading for the divorce court, there are answers. Tell her to put the dusting aside and take her to the football, or out for dinner to discuss Sartre or the reality of Politics in Germany if you prefer. But if this does not recreate domestic harmony, there are only three more solutions: don’t marry a woman who is not a domestic goddess in the first place (if that’s what you really want), hire a cleaner or do it yourself.


Good luck

t-cat x